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I am someone’s sister, daughter, niece, mother, lover, bestfriend, and many more to even name. But above all, I am a woman…and a soldier. This can be a somewhat daunting task for the lighthearted and uneasy. On the one side of this rusty dusty coin, I am a woman who appreciates the “lady-likeness” that has been ingrained in my mind from birth. But also, I am also a soldier that must be ready for whatever, whenever and without excuse or personal indifference.  I find myself constantly trying hard  to balance the two, and although for some it may be obvious and simple…for someone like me it is probably the most difficult task I have ever had to deal with. Constant thoughts of possibly leaving my family, friends, and child due to a deployment weighs uber heavy on my already aching heart. Although this is the military and this is the life I chose for myself when signing on the dotted line, but the recruiter never mentioned the pain I would feel at this moment. Having to explain to my family what my preparations were in the event that I didnt return from war..or having to look my son in the face knowing that I would be gone for a year and he may not adjust as well I would like him to. I talk a big game about alot of things, but deep down I know that this will probably be the most trying thing I have ever done in my life. Situations with a potential significant other have already been jeopardized due to this abrupt change in programming, my family being in denial about where I am going and what I am doing makes me feel guilty daily, and the thought of me leaving my child in someone else’s care are amoung the many internal demons I must face within the next year.  I can either come out of this situation victorious or defeated, and the latter is certainly not an option. I have less than a year to prepare…and the countdown begins…

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